A morality play? A play on morality? You decide.
A Play in Two Filthy Acts
by (shut up!)
[Thanks to the silly antics of the religious right!]
DIZZY WHIRLED
by A. Troublemaker
For 3 - 7 performers.
ACT I
We're at the entrance to the Fairy Kingdom. A
couple has just come through the ticket gates
and is looking around, deciding where to go first.
OFFICER: "All right! Enough of that! Stand apart, now. Let's see some ID, and the marriage license."
MISTER: "The what, officer? What's going on?"
OFFICER: "You were touching her. And you, slut, looked like you were enjoying it!"
MISTER: "We were holding hands!"
FEMALE: "We're almost engaged!"
OFFICER: "Sorry folks, we don't allow that kind of behavior here unless you're married. Move along, and stay at least three feet apart."
ACT II
Same setting as before. This could be a different couple, or the one from ACT I after the passage of time.
MISTER: "Oh, Ethel!"
FEMALE: "On, Bert!"
BOTH: (together) "Kiss me again!"
OFFICER1: "All right, all right! Stop that!"
OFFICER2: "Here, you! Let go of her! Up against that wall! Another move like that and I'll ram this in your crotch."
MISTER: "But we're married! This is our honeymoon."
OFFICER1: "Can you prove that?"
MISTER: "Yes, of course, here's our marriage license, and my birth certificate."
FEMALE: "And here's my birth certificate."
OFFICER2: "Looks okay. Got the kit Randall?"
OFFICER1: "Right here. Okay, both of you. Open wide while I get a scraping for the lab."
MISTER: "What?"
FEMALE: "Oh!"
OFFICER2: "Chromosomes. We have to make certain you're a man and a woman."
MISTER: "Huh? Look, I've got a..."
OFFICER1: "Makes no difference, sir. Those doctors can do anything these days. If your chromosomes aren't right, you're faggots all the same!"
FEMALE: "How long will this take?"
OFFICER2: "Only 24 hours. Move this way to the holding cell. Your tickets will be good tomorrow. If you're not queer!"
CURTAIN
(2000)